I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
