Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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