Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
