We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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