Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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