Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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