First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
