Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
