I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
