Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
