Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
