Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
