Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
