dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
