Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
