smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
worst night to have a conscience
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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