Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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