if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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