he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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