R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
