I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
