I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
