saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
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Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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