I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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