What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
