I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
