oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
