Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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