my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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