All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
