i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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