3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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