His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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