You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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