Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
