omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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