I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
