closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
