Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
