You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That accounts for only three of the penises
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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