I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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