Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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