I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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