whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
