I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
