I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
