five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
