i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is the high leading the old right now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
