when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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