Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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