I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
