I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize