You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
