The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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