I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
