Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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