you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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