So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
