come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
