Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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