I am in a vortex of obligation.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
