9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
