we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
