My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
