hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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