Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was like eating out sand paper
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
