no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
