We named our party play list daddy issues
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
