the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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