just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
