I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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