I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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