I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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