What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
