I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
