I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
