he wants to bone in the snuggie
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
