Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
