I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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