Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
